So much

Am I getting wiser? Or are there objective reasons for me to feel so balanced and happy? Well maybe not balanced, but in a state of pleasant chaos inside my head and peace inside my heart.
Several things you should check out (all of which, except the first one, my Art prof showed us in class today):



http://youtube.com/watch?v=SlFEG-97xUM
http://youtube.com/watch?v=j4dMnAPZu70
http://www.lulu.com

Sugarhead

It's been a very good weekend, with a certain amount of alcohol involved, but no stupidity / drunken stories ensuing from the intoxication. Also I've generally been in a very good mood :)


I really thought I should show you how brave these guys are :) I hope the person on the left doesn't kill me for uploading it here...
Oh and btw, they're NOT holding hands.

alone & happy

Last night was fun, and I should check out the pictures we took cause we really did some crazy stuff like table-dancing (blame it on the alcohol :-P). However, at the same time I also realized that it's true that I will always be existentially alone, and no one will ever be able to sense all that I feel when listening to particular lines of lyrics that most people would describe as some 5-word expression that means nothing unusual. No one will ever know why Katatonia's "I'm only weather, but only to me" or Peter Steele's "Am I good enough... for you?" or Dornenreich's "Wer hat Angst vor Einsamkeit?" make my heart beat faster and my head spin.
But I've also realized that... that's okay :)

Thursday nights

So two nights ago I was pretty bitter and melancholy, and now I'm happy. For three reasons that don't seem like anything huge, but they did bring my mood up.

I went for a long (90 min) walk with Maria and we talked about lots of stuff, and it was so cool.

I went to the Russian study break, where this wonderful woman Suzi told me that she would be willing to come to the Katatonia / Moonspell concert with me even though Moonspell are a metal band :) I just bought the tickets. Also, she's gonna straighten my hair tomorrow.

Darren messaged me, saying we could watch Respiro / drink tomorrow. And I know that's good cause he's a very good friend talking to whom always makes me feel better and more myself than otherwise.

Life feels good on Thursday evening.

Gray

It's cold and gray outside, and I usually like this. But I wish I could experience my weather-induced melancholy at home... For some reason, I get the feeling I can't really be myself here... not without dooming myself to being horrifyingly lonely.

In LA

I went shopping with Susi and two other girls today, and we spent some great and looong time at the mall... :-P And I just got back from a pretty good concert in LA! :)

Positivity

There's a Suede song called Positivity which always makes me feel, hehe, positive :) Not because of this song though, I feel very positive right now :) I just got back from Russian lounge, where I hadn't been for a long time due to the huge amount of work I had in the last few weeks. It's kind of nice to step back and "hide" from people for a while, cause then they start calling you and making you promise you'll spend more time with them, and then you feel good :-P
Anyway, point is, I have a pretty good schedule for tomorrow (oh and, btw, it's fall break!) which includes gym, grading, lunch at Oldenborg? (finally I have time for lunch!), then swing lesson with my Algorithms prof and several of the CS majors :), soccer with the guys?, and then I might even get to watch one of my favorite movies, Respiro, which arrived in the mail on Tuesday. Hope nothing gets screwed up :)

a wiseman comments on my thoughts

"D: you don't have to think of it like that. it's not the Adi from 8th and 9th grade but a part of Adi that came up more then than now so it's still much a live part of you. then you can look inward instead of backward. just a suggestion :)
A: you're wise...
A: but i wish i could be that Adi again :(
D: no such thing
D: she was swallowed in the past. but you right now contain her. so everything she was is still you and you can tap into her.
D: you know, the brain never loses memory unless something freak happens like a tumor or stroke. so all your old thoughts are still there. and you have all the memories, and the hormones that recreate the feelings."

conference

I'm so damn excited about this Grace Hopper Conference that we're going to on Thursday till Saturday :-D You can't even imagine how excited I am. "A Celebration of Women in Computing"... at the San Diego beach... where I'll meet all kinds of interesting people, say from Google but not necessarily just that... Can't wait :)

But before that, I have to do my midterm and finish my Art project...