Tight Rope
The evening went as follows:
At 8:30 I went to Andrews (30 min later than I told Dan I'd be there... but girls always take longer to get ready... much, much longer... than they say) and gave him the check. There were too many guys playing Quake in the terminal room so I went to the big lab to test code / tutor there. Not surprisingly, the lovely seniors (not my seniors) were writing theses there, including Sam who I wish I had time to develop a crush on :-P (This really was a joke, I don't feel like crushes right now.)
First Jonathan came, as my fatihful TAee, to ask what pizza I wanted, and then Dan came too. He also came to let me know when the pizza was ready. It was fun, having a pizza party. Matt (via Dan) took some pictures... Hopefully I'd be told where they are posted / stored.
So anyway, TAing went awesome since I could actually answer people's questions :-P Ignacio called around 10 to confirm he wanted to come with me to Grooveline, and life was beautiful :)
Life really became pretty beautiful at Grooveline since I in fact enjoyed The Boot despite the lack of any of my seniors (i.e. the ones that are not mine but I still think they're great). We drank some beer as always and met a friend of Ignacio's, Elihu Bogan (?). We spent a lot of time talking to him and other people and then went with him to Lawry, then liked his idea of going to CMC and then back to Lawry. Wasn't it cold, you'd ask? Yeah, it's pretty cold when you're only wearing a short-ish dress and high heels... but it was fine.
When we returned to Lawry B1 Andreea was there too, and due to the wine she was drinking and the beer I was drinking, we re-sealed our best-friends-roommates love with several hugs and kisses on the cheek. She apologized for being mean this week and I said I was mean too so I apologized as well. Such moments make me happy :) (What makes me unhappy is that she hasn't come back yet though she said she had no plans and was going to come back in an hour.)
Conclusion: Life is good.
Schizophrenic non-conclusion:
Hey you, whose name I shall not mention,
I was thinking about you several days ago and I thought, "If he does not inspire me to write, I will make myself stop thinking about him at all."
I don't know yet if you inspire me or not. I can't really write anymore. I don't see images when I think of you. I don't feel hair falling on my shoulder and I don't taste cheap wine, and I don't visualize that bar where I used to sit with someone I felt far more addicted to than I feel to you. It chokes me that I can't write poetry anymore. In fact, in my heart, there are many people you can't compare to, even if I were still fretting and freaking out due to the way you looked or didn't look at me.
I suffocate and I need to write, and you don't inspire me, so how can I?
But I still like you. When I look at you, I can see the way I feel in your eyes. My bleak and doomed passion to touch your soul somehow is in your eyes, I can see it. Or should I say, it's in your eyes that I can see it's doomed.
Why do I keep staring at you, even when my soul is calm and I'm not looking your way? Why do I keep paying attention to the way your hair was a chaos but I could still see some order there?
I have no time for you. Nor do I have the emotional resources to hold on to the dream, though I believe in dreams. I have no faith in vampires, but I can tell that you suck my energy out of me. Without even noticing and meaning to do that.
I can't get closer to you. And what makes it worse is that I was getting closer. And you told me I could stay close but not get to the center. Now I can't even stay close because we would just both explode if we stay in the same room for more than 5 hours.
I don't want this anymore. And I know it's going away, I can tell it is. I feel happy and more free. I know I'll be fine.
But you'll always be my horrifyingly impossible dream, and I can only blame myself for that because I wanted to like you.
I'm glad you'd never read this so I could tell you all I needed to tell you. And if parts of what I said sound contradictory, they are meant to be that way.
Real conclusion: I'm finally going to sleep :)
At 8:30 I went to Andrews (30 min later than I told Dan I'd be there... but girls always take longer to get ready... much, much longer... than they say) and gave him the check. There were too many guys playing Quake in the terminal room so I went to the big lab to test code / tutor there. Not surprisingly, the lovely seniors (not my seniors) were writing theses there, including Sam who I wish I had time to develop a crush on :-P (This really was a joke, I don't feel like crushes right now.)
First Jonathan came, as my fatihful TAee, to ask what pizza I wanted, and then Dan came too. He also came to let me know when the pizza was ready. It was fun, having a pizza party. Matt (via Dan) took some pictures... Hopefully I'd be told where they are posted / stored.
So anyway, TAing went awesome since I could actually answer people's questions :-P Ignacio called around 10 to confirm he wanted to come with me to Grooveline, and life was beautiful :)
Life really became pretty beautiful at Grooveline since I in fact enjoyed The Boot despite the lack of any of my seniors (i.e. the ones that are not mine but I still think they're great). We drank some beer as always and met a friend of Ignacio's, Elihu Bogan (?). We spent a lot of time talking to him and other people and then went with him to Lawry, then liked his idea of going to CMC and then back to Lawry. Wasn't it cold, you'd ask? Yeah, it's pretty cold when you're only wearing a short-ish dress and high heels... but it was fine.
When we returned to Lawry B1 Andreea was there too, and due to the wine she was drinking and the beer I was drinking, we re-sealed our best-friends-roommates love with several hugs and kisses on the cheek. She apologized for being mean this week and I said I was mean too so I apologized as well. Such moments make me happy :) (What makes me unhappy is that she hasn't come back yet though she said she had no plans and was going to come back in an hour.)
Conclusion: Life is good.
Schizophrenic non-conclusion:
Hey you, whose name I shall not mention,
I was thinking about you several days ago and I thought, "If he does not inspire me to write, I will make myself stop thinking about him at all."
I don't know yet if you inspire me or not. I can't really write anymore. I don't see images when I think of you. I don't feel hair falling on my shoulder and I don't taste cheap wine, and I don't visualize that bar where I used to sit with someone I felt far more addicted to than I feel to you. It chokes me that I can't write poetry anymore. In fact, in my heart, there are many people you can't compare to, even if I were still fretting and freaking out due to the way you looked or didn't look at me.
I suffocate and I need to write, and you don't inspire me, so how can I?
But I still like you. When I look at you, I can see the way I feel in your eyes. My bleak and doomed passion to touch your soul somehow is in your eyes, I can see it. Or should I say, it's in your eyes that I can see it's doomed.
Why do I keep staring at you, even when my soul is calm and I'm not looking your way? Why do I keep paying attention to the way your hair was a chaos but I could still see some order there?
I have no time for you. Nor do I have the emotional resources to hold on to the dream, though I believe in dreams. I have no faith in vampires, but I can tell that you suck my energy out of me. Without even noticing and meaning to do that.
I can't get closer to you. And what makes it worse is that I was getting closer. And you told me I could stay close but not get to the center. Now I can't even stay close because we would just both explode if we stay in the same room for more than 5 hours.
I don't want this anymore. And I know it's going away, I can tell it is. I feel happy and more free. I know I'll be fine.
But you'll always be my horrifyingly impossible dream, and I can only blame myself for that because I wanted to like you.
I'm glad you'd never read this so I could tell you all I needed to tell you. And if parts of what I said sound contradictory, they are meant to be that way.
Real conclusion: I'm finally going to sleep :)
posted by Malena @ 2:55 AM
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