Comfortably Numb
"Relax.
I need some information first.
Just the basic facts:
Can you show me where it hurts?"
It doesn't hurt anymore. That's the big news, or at least I think so. I realized how dumb I've been. It was a good relationship-- it just wasn't meant to be. I feel much better now that I am able to understand that what happened will be there forever, and both of us will remember it and smile for a while, and the intimacy will be there for a while too, even though it might be unwanted. All these tiny things that we had in common and that I couldn't ever put in words will never disappear and we'll never be just friends, cause the knowledge of what has happened and how happy we've been, and the physical memory of things that only the two of us know, will remain at some deep level of our consciousness.
I remember how he was looking at the tiny crystal-like globe I gave him as a birthday present on the day we broke up, and he put his finger on LA and traced the distance to Bulgaria, and he said pensively that "it's a lot," almost with a sigh.
I like the heartache that's vanishing as time passes by.
And I can't believe how strong I feel right now, and how excited I'm about school and work. I can be myself again, without fearing that I'd freak him out. (Actually, it's funny that he said there were a lot of aspects of my personality that really appealed to him, and I suspect these might have included things I thought he found weird.) I can talk about Anathema all I want. I'm pretty sure now that very soon the sense of loss and the empty spot inside me will be gone. But my heart is loyal, and I won't ever try to replace him. Cause if there's one thing that I really hate, it's being a bitch. There will be new seats in the hall that is my heart, but his seat won't be taken.
I need some information first.
Just the basic facts:
Can you show me where it hurts?"
It doesn't hurt anymore. That's the big news, or at least I think so. I realized how dumb I've been. It was a good relationship-- it just wasn't meant to be. I feel much better now that I am able to understand that what happened will be there forever, and both of us will remember it and smile for a while, and the intimacy will be there for a while too, even though it might be unwanted. All these tiny things that we had in common and that I couldn't ever put in words will never disappear and we'll never be just friends, cause the knowledge of what has happened and how happy we've been, and the physical memory of things that only the two of us know, will remain at some deep level of our consciousness.
I remember how he was looking at the tiny crystal-like globe I gave him as a birthday present on the day we broke up, and he put his finger on LA and traced the distance to Bulgaria, and he said pensively that "it's a lot," almost with a sigh.
I like the heartache that's vanishing as time passes by.
And I can't believe how strong I feel right now, and how excited I'm about school and work. I can be myself again, without fearing that I'd freak him out. (Actually, it's funny that he said there were a lot of aspects of my personality that really appealed to him, and I suspect these might have included things I thought he found weird.) I can talk about Anathema all I want. I'm pretty sure now that very soon the sense of loss and the empty spot inside me will be gone. But my heart is loyal, and I won't ever try to replace him. Cause if there's one thing that I really hate, it's being a bitch. There will be new seats in the hall that is my heart, but his seat won't be taken.
posted by Malena @ 1:54 PM
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